I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
