I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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