Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
