We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
