It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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