just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
