If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
