So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
