Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
