i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
