I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
