this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
