So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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