i don't like sucking hair
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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