how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
