just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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