belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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