she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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