I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
