The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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