i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
