your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
