I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
