I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
