Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
