they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
