I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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