I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't think brook has ever known best
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
