considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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