k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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