I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i drank out of a bidet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
