So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
