I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
