when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
