Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
