It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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