Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
