She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
