Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
