I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
