Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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