to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's blow job season.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
