Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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