she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
