i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
