I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
