I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
