Yo dont text me then not text me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
