I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
