I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
