I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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